Bold Predictions In Policing For 2018

Future shock

Nostradamus has nothing on my ability to see into the future, especially if that future involves cops. Sure, he correctly predicted the first and second World Wars, the French Revolution, the Kennedy assassination and the attacks of 9/11.

But he totally whiffed on community policing, citizen distrust, police cars and body worn cameras.

Those are pretty big misses in my book.

I even found evidence of his bungling on these predictions at the height of his career as a seer.

While pursuing my second Doctorate, I came upon an ancient text which contained several lost quatrains from the famous Frenchman.

Here is the proof in relation to community policing..

“The people will cry out,

No programs or broken windows will quell our lips,

In your face policing is what we want,

No singing songs or community partnerships.”

Citizen distrust and body worn cameras….

“Always will the towns folk agree,

The ones who wear the badge,

We will trust in thee.

No need for cameras, we believe what thine eyes will see.”

I know this is weird but stay with me..

A gift

I have spent many sleepless hours and nights interpreting the lost predictions embedded within the writings.

“Police Officer Clings To life”

As 2017 draws to a close, it’s that time a year to re-examine where we have come and where we are going. Some of these predictions will challenge those in positions of power who like to maintain the status quo.

Others will laugh at these bold predictions in law enforcement I have predicted for 2018. Many have asked how these visions come to me.

It’s hard to explain.

Lets just say they flood my brain until I have no choice but to write them down.

Here is a snapshot of the 5 visions that I predict will occur in the upcoming year.

May God have mercy on our souls if they come to fruition…

Predictions for 2018

1. Robots – Yes, robots. I mean they already vacuum your floor when you are at work or on vacation. There will be many benefits to robots taking over certain positions within every police agency in 2018.

Robots can be used in place of traffic units as everyone knows these assignments are usually operated by the lower IQ set in most PD’s. The same goes for most admin positions/bean counters to include police recruiting. Most recruiting units utilize an array of videos and other props to sell their agency.

Do we really need to lose any more cops from the road for these positions.

2. Cops will no longer carry guns – It makes sense doesn’t it. The time will come next year where many police departments will adopt a “no firearm” policy for their officers.

This move will get many officers and citizens alike killed in the line of duty but it should dramatically impact the number of OIS to include BLM marches throughout the country.

This prediction doesn’t come without controversy however as Taser deaths will rise by 6000 percent.

3. The practice of using police K-9’s will end – I know that this prediction does not sit well with many who love being a K-9 officer.

The country will see a dramatic increase and overall shortage of dog food in 2018 which will force agencies to abandon their use of dogs to combat crime.

This shortage of dog food will be experienced primarily in the United States as most countries can barely feed their own people much less our furry four-legged friends.

Many departments will start using pigs and trained squirrels to help with tracking suspects and missing persons.

4. Cops will be paired with and ride along with Firemen – As much as this infuriates  brave men and women in blue, there really is no avoiding this new partnership.

This partnership will form based on the one fireman who was shot at during the last five years while putting out a fire.

Also, Fire will no longer have to ask the police department for an ETA or announce that they will be staging.

This prediction should stop all of the social media teasing of firemen being second responders.. 

5. Across the board minimum standards will be lowered for entry-level cops – And let me guess, it doesn’t take Nostradamus to predict this one.

This prediction has already begun in some departments around the country. With the media continuing to support and foster the false narrative that police suck it’s no wonder.

What is predicted however is truly shocking. Many police agencies will begin to take violent convicted felons and active gang members to fill increasing vacancies.

“Cop Extends Streak to 12 Years on Day Shift”

Educational requirements will also be lowered.

As long as you are actively taking classes to get your GED you will be allowed to apply. Substance abusers will also be allowed in the hiring process as long as they promise not to get high while on duty.

Bad conduct discharges from the military, also known as Bad Chicken Dinners, will also be waived as a dis-qualifier to become a police officer.

Conclusion

I know that many are hoping that these predictions never see the light of day.

So what are we to make of these police predictions for 2018? Are we partly to blame for these if they in fact come to fruition?

Or should we, like everyone else, deflect and point the blame to someone or something else for all of the woes we experience in our chosen field.

I hope that in some small way I can, by my very actions as one cop, effect change in a positive way for my profession.

If not, I will continue to place the blame at the feet of those who we cops love to hate…

Management and Firemen.


You can find other SATIRE articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.

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