K-9 Officer Forced to Take Crime Report


A rare occurrence 

Jamestown, Minnesota –  It is being reported that a Jamestown K-9 Officer, while working his regular tour of duty, was forced to take a crime report on Saturday during an exceptionally busy day for cops working this city.

An area man, who didn’t want to give his name, provided the stunning details as he witnessed the event occur while he was doing yard work next door.

“I didn’t think much of it until I noticed the K-9 Officer fumbling around in his brand new 2017 Ford Explorer K-9 vehicle.” said the concerned citizen.

“He finally emerged with a clipboard and what looked like a report of some kind as he met my neighbor at the door.”

“The first thing that grabbed my attention was how short he was with my neighbor,” exclaimed citizen Doe.

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“And I’m not talking about how tall he was but his attitude,” said the citizen.

“And if you ask me, he wasn’t all together sure of what he was doing as he kept staring at the report like it was the first time he had seen one.”

A bad look

According to another witness, Laura Pendleton, after getting the required information, the K-9 Officer walked back to his K-9 vehicle and could be heard mumbling to himself.

“All I heard was him saying was he shouldn’t be taking no dag-gum report and that he was going to talk to the Chief about it,” said Pendleton.

“I will say this though, he looked real good in his K-9 overalls!”

This incident only came to light when Ms. Pendleton tried but failed to get the K-9 Officers cell number from his supervisor, Sgt. Danforth.

When he refused is when she made the formal complaint about his conduct.

“I tried to tell Ms. Pendleton that my K-9 Officer had every right to have an attitude that day,” extorted Sgt. Danforth.

“K-9 officers need to be available at all times in case we need them to check a box off,” Danforth told her.

“Sure, they may go on 100 tracks without any success, but that 101st may be the jackpot,” Danforth advised.

“We may have a shooting, robbery, stabbing, abduction or any other violent crime…” stated Danforth.

“Shoot, we even had a plane crash once and the first thing my boss asked me was if we had done a K-9 track or not.”

The cream of the crop

“K-9 Officers really are better than your normal patrolman,” pined Captain Richards, commander of the Jamestown K-9 corps.

“That’s why they think their better than your average officer.”

“Why do you think there are so many news pieces and neighborhood watch appearances requesting K-9’s and their handlers?” posed Captain Richards

The Captains honesty did not fall on deaf ears. 

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After concluding this investigation, veteran officers around the country were polled and asked the one thing they would have done differently throughout their career.

The overwhelming response was that they wished they had become K-9 officers.

We wanted to know why.

Other than training 10 days a month on average instead of actually doing their job, most just pointed to their car computers and gave a sly wink saying,“do you see all those reports holding?” 

“The only other unit within our organization that comes close to being as over-hyped as K-9 is our Marine Patrol, “ said an anonymous sergeant as he drove off in his personal vehicle..

You can find other SATIRE articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.


  1. I know this is satire, but there is a kernel of truth to it…. I know because I am a former K9 guy & K9 Supervisor.

    Although I must say where I worked most of the time we covered a beat because of shortages, I even handled a reckless homicide traffic crash as a K9 guy.

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