Property Sergeant Becomes Everyone’s Best Friend


Zero to hero

Virginia- In an effort to learn and understand the culture which drives the actions of police, a medium sized southern police department in Virginia has offered up an interesting facet of police work and one of the jobs that is crucial to the profession.

It seems even those officers that have had a hard time making friends or being liked by their peers have the chance to break this cycle by becoming a property and evidence officer.

The harsh reality of working in the property room for a police department is a lonely one.

“Nobody really talked to me until I got put down here in what they call the “Dungeon,” said Sgt. Jorgenson.

“When I grow up, I want to be the officer that works in a limited space for 40 hours a week, controlling evidence and uniform supplies for a police department, said no kid ever,” replied Jorgenson.

Jorgenson and another officer competed for the coveted position and by a nose did Jorgenson get the position.

“It didn’t hurt that the other guy was only 5’5” and wouldn’t be able to reach the top shelf,” said Sgt. Jorgenson.

“Most officers, especially sergeants, would look at a job like this as a career killer,” explained Jorgenson.

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“Not me,” said Jorgenson.

“I look at it as a way to refit all of my own gear with brand new equipment when I get out of here in 5 years.”

Nobody liked me

“Nobody liked me, but that all changed once I became the guy, ” Jorgenson sheepishly grinned.

It didn’t take long before Jorgenson started noticing a change in the way the other officers in the department began treating him.

Even those officers, and supervisors, would talk to him like they were long lost pals.



Because Sgt. Jorgenson was a little thick and not the sharpest tool in the shed, he initially couldn’t tell that he was being played.

The hustle went something like this..

“Hey Jorgenson, how do you like this new gig and have you been working out?” said one female officer to Jorgenson on his second day in the Property Room.

Jorgenson, who hadn’t had a girlfriend since George Bush was president (42), had no clue what was coming next.

Things are gonna change, I can feel it..

“Hey Sarge,” she said in a hushed tone, her eyes scanning the room. “I can’t seem to find my flashlight ($100), do you have an extra one laying around I could borrow until I find mine,” she said in her best “Red Shoe Diary” soft porn voice.

This happened time and time again.

Hell, even the male officers were making sexual advances on Jorgenson in exchange for missing equipment.

The saddest thing about this story is that Jorgenson never did figure out why he had suddenly become everyone’s best friend.

All of this new found popularity, however, came to a crashing halt not soon after Jorgenson became the guy.

Rumor has it is that a high ranking officer had made promises of a studio apartment and authentic sushi when he couldn’t find his handcuffs and mace.

Some say Jorgenson had been set up. Others say that he was just an idiot and deserved to be kicked out.

No matter.

Sgt. Jorgenson returned to his prior assignment in Crime Prevention, doing building surveys and giving talks to pimply faced middle schooler’s about the dangers of drugs.

Sometimes his talks would veer off into that one time, however brief, when he was the guy!

Some will say this story is fake news or worse, satire.

All you have to do is ask Sgt. Jorgenson himself if this story is true or a complete lie. It won’t be hard to locate him.

You can find him eating lunch at the police canteen, alone, in any police department in America.

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