New Officer Likes Telling Everyone He’s A Cop

It’s a calling

Richmond, Virginia – Steve Danforth, a recent graduate of the Richmond Police Academy, doesn’t mind telling people that he is a police officer. Especially at parties or other social gatherings.

This goes against what most seasoned veteran officers will tell you.

“So what do you do Bob?”

“I’m a government contractor or I have my own internet business,” says Bob (refused to give his last name), an officer of 17 years with one of the surrounding jurisdictions.

“It’s cute that these rookies think that people are impressed that you are a cop,” said Bob, unable to hide his dark cynicism that only life as a beat cop can produce.

We met up with Steve (he preferred to be called Officer Danforth for this article) at a local coffee shop to discuss his decision to become a police officer.

We immediately spotted him all the way in the back of the shop.

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As we approached, we noticed that he was openly carrying his service weapon while wearing a Tactical 5.11 T-Shirt with the blue lives matter flag logo emblazoned on the front.

We introduced ourselves and sat with Officer Danforth. He asked that we stagger our seating as to not impede his field of fire if, god forbid, he had to take down an armed assailant.

“I always let the staff know that I’m an armed officer, just in case I have to use my skills,” said Officer Danforth.

“I also tell them that if an active shooter situation were to arise to not worry, I just had that training 2 weeks ago in the police academy.”

A proud dude

“I know that the media is crushing us at every turn but I honestly think I can change their perception,” said Danforth, a cop who has worked 3 shifts.

At first we thought Danforth was suffering from some un-diagnosed mental health issue.

We decided to put a hidden camera on Danforth and see if his enthusiasm for his profession would follow him in different social settings.

Sure enough, Danforth did not disappoint.

After crunching the numbers, we determined that it took, on average, 47 seconds for Danforth to identify as a cop to each new person he came in contact with.

That average dropped to 29 seconds if they were an attractive female.

These contacts usually ended quite abruptly. One female even shoved Danforth and called him a racist pig.

This is where Danforth’s academy training kicked in as he was able to bury his personal hurt deep inside (until he could get home and take shots of whiskey).

We showed the footage to some of the seasoned officers on Danforth’s department.

Many laughed so hard that they fell to the ground clenching their stomachs. After regaining their composure, many of the old salts wanted to watch the video.

Some over and over and again.

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One of the veteran cops told us that most new cops act the same as Danforth.

Some even worse.

He even admitted, under his breath, that he was no different 20 plus years ago when he was brand new.

As we were wrapping up our story and heading out of the city, sure enough we spotted Officer Danforth making a traffic stop.

In his personal vehicle.

You can find other SATIRE articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.


  1. Hahaha! I’ve known rookie cops who were almost this bad! Satire?…or just a slight exaggeration of the truth? ?

  2. Reminds me of a guy recently that told me he was going to change the public’s perception of police- all by himself I guess. He had about one year on, I had 31. This was after criticizing me for my sarcastic and sardonic attitude.

  3. Just tell people you’re a a trash collector (of sorts). No further questions asked and you aren’t lying.

  4. Lol, i remember being on a wine tour with some of the other ladies at our station and the tour guide asked where we worked. Awkward silence as we all realised we hadnt come up with an agreed cover story. Lady up the front eventually said “oh we work in a government building”. Guide laughs and goes “cops hey? Cool”

  5. Humorous that Cops across the world have the same thought patterns. I am an Australian retired Police officer, and I recall after starting at the Police Academy, some recruits wanted to be out there almost straight away, and were actually pulling up cars in their own car. Now retired, most of these enthusiastic people don’t want anyone to know what they used to do for a living. Having read Kevin Gilmartin’s book on “Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement”, I understand why.

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