A tough pill to swallow

Richmond, Pennsylvania – In what can only be described as “ironic”, an internal affairs officer in Richmond, Pennsylvania has been kicked off Facebook.

And it wasn’t for lewd or offensive content.

Or harassment.

No, what did him in was a little known user agreement that few have ever even heard of.

Probably because it’s so rarely enforced and the almost 3 billion users of the social platform have little problem satisfying this requirement.

Friend count.

Yes, friend count.

Very few people know that Facebook requires each of its users to maintain a list of at least 15 friends after one year of signing up with the social media giant.

See Also: “Local Cop Arrested for Panhandling”

Within the first 6 months of signing up, Officer Dan Cummings was well on his way to 100 followers and was beginning to post regular status updates with confidence.

That’s when his life long dream of being an internal affairs investigator came to fruition.

The transfer was now official.

“I guess being routinely called a tattletale growing up has finally paid off,” Cummings told a close friend after getting the job.

A leper colony

“I felt betrayed, forgotten, singled out, like I had been tossed away like some leper to a leper colony,” wept Officers Cummings.

“I mean, I only took the job because I wanted to better my police department and profession,” said Cummings.

“And yes, sometimes I do kiss the Chief’s ass on occasion but who doesn’t,” uttered defensively by Cummings. “It had nothing to do with me getting the job.”

At first, the changes to his friend status was very subtle. One day he would have 103 friends and then it would dip down to 101, nothing too alarming.

Then it became not so subtle.

“One of my closest friends on Facebook would literally give a status update every hour,” quipped Cummings.

“The usual stuff, look at how great my life is, look at this amazing meal I made as a surprise to my wife, some sappy quote about the earth and the environment proclaiming that he is doing his part etc. etc. blah, blah, blah..,” Cummings related.

Then nothing.

Zero.

Zilch.

“And then I did what everyone does, I searched his name,” said Cummings. “That’s when the dark, cold reality of Facebook hit me like a brick,” Cummings proclaimed with a heavy heart.

“He had UN-friend-ed me”.

“And don’t even tell me it had anything to do with me giving him a friendly reminder that one of his posts could get him in trouble,” advised Cummings.

A painful slide 

Within 3 weeks of being transferred to Internal Affairs, Cummings saw his friend list plummet.

He had gone from a total of 103 to 22.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

His own mother even unfriend-ed him.

“What really hurt about her unfriending me was we were going to meet up so I could show her how to upload a profile pic instead of the ghost one she had been using for the past 5 years,” said Cummings.

“I just couldn’t be friends with a snitch,” Patty Cummings told reporters. “Even if he is my own son.”

It didn’t take long before Cummings found himself with only 7 friends on Facebook. And 5 of them were spam porn web cam girls.

The day finally came when Officer Cummings realized that his page had been shut down.

For the last several weeks he has been trying in vain to get his account back up but so far nothing.

The last information we received was that Officer Cummings had opened a Pinterest account but early reports are that no one is following that page either.

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