Former Presidential Candidate Secretly Training To Become Police Officer

If you can’t beat em’…

Washington, D.C. – In a shocking revelation, reports are flooding in that the former first lady and runner-up finisher in the 2016 presidential election is secretly training to become a police officer.

Let me repeat.

Hillary Rodham Clinton, AKA ‘the Dark Sith’ and confirmed ‘shape-shifter’, is trying to become a cop. You know, that thing that she so ruthlessly opposed in her bid to be the first woman president.

“I can deal with the ridicule, name calling and even the occasional beatings from her,” said one of her Secret Service Agents who refused to give his name.

“But I will not idly stand by and watch her make a mockery of the profession that so many have given their lives for,” he continued.

The Agent, holding back tears, went on to reveal that Hillary has hired a personal trainer. She has also hired a nutritionist in her effort to pass the physical requirements of a police academy.

“New Officer Tells Everyone He’s A Cop”

Some conspiracy theorists have speculated that they have proof that Hillary actually competed in this years Crossfit Games, Masters Division, under the pseudonym “Darth Grand Maul”.

We have learned that she has also made inquiries to several agencies to wave the age requirements for new police recruits.

Her exact age is unknown but rumors have circulated for years that she is over 300 years old and that she may or may not be a vampire.

A political move or a desire to serve?

Although a Harvard educated lawyer, Hillary has also been observed studying case-law relating to police procedure.

Secret Service assigned to her protection detail report Hillary studying deep into the night in preparation for the police academy.

“We thought she was joking when she first presented the idea of becoming a cop,” said another Secret Service Agent assigned to her.

“But we quickly remembered that she has no sense of humor.”

The burning question that begs to be answered is why?

Why would someone, who not even two years ago, publicly proclaimed in a live presidential debate, systemic racism running rampant in every police agency in our country.

As if that were not enough, she openly invited many of the family members of individuals shot and killed by police to many of her rallies.

Even though every single one of these shootings was ruled justified by jury members of varying races.

Some political analyst are saying that this latest tactic by the former Senator is a calculated move to restore her damaged reputation with conservatives.

“The one thing we know for sure, even more than her hatred of police, is Hillary’s hatred of losing,” said one highly respected analyst.

We asked the Agent if he could elaborate on Bill’s opinion or thoughts on Hillary becoming a cop.

The Agent leaned in, cupping his hand around the ear of our investigative reporter and said, “He’s all for it, as long as she gets assigned to nights”…

Mrs. Clinton refused to be interviewed for this story.

You can find other SATIRE articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.


  1. Can I be her Defensive Tactics and Firearms instructor???? PLEASE!!!!! I’d love to “educate” her on old school use of force tactics. I could show her what she can’t do as a police officer anymore….. just so she doesn’t make those mistakes. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. This must be true as recent pictures of her seem to show that she is wearing some type of armored vest underneath her clothing.

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