“Through sickness and in health”..
(Article updated 12/30/17)
Ah, that moment when you know it’s right.
You couldn’t possibly imagine a life without him or her.
You have searched your whole life to find that special someone who knows all of your faults and still thinks you’re a catch.
You can’t stand to be away from this love that only knows happiness and joy.
This rainbow of emotions that you have has no problem with telling the world, with a daily dose of updated facebook statuses, of how unique and special this love truly is.
And then this love gets transferred to night shift….
At first it feels like a cute novelty that makes you gush with pride around your family and friends. You proudly display your handsome or lovely in a full uniform photo anywhere you think people might see it.
Until you overhear one of them bad mouthing the profession or worse, making generalizations like “all cops are racist.”
This cuts right to your soul.
But that’s not the purpose of this article or why cops are horrible at marriage. When it comes to marriage, cops really need no help at all from the citizens they serve.
Oh, and before you square pegs start touting how wonderful your cop marriage is, you are an anomaly. You can continue on with your wonderful life full of unicorns and sandy beaches.
This is article isn’t for you.
Here are the 3 reasons why I believe cops
struggle suck at marriage.
1. Cops suck at showing their feelings
The only feelings that cops are good at showing are disdain for human kind.
And I mean every human.
They see bad people doing really bad and despicable things to each other.
We are good at hating everyone but us. Oh, and we hate management.
“Hi honey, how was your day,” is usually followed with “everyday is the same babe, just dealing with idiots like always.”
What a warm and welcoming greeting to the one you love.
Over time this turns into even more depressing conversation or worse, none at all.
Many cops tell me that, as they spend more time on the job, they become even more detached from their spouse which in turn only drives a wedge that can become something worse over time.
What really gets cops into trouble is when they completely withdraw from their spouse or worse, start playing video games or binge watch Netflix on both their days off.
You know who you are.
Turn the damn television off and talk to your spouse.
And don’t get me started on smartphones.
2. Cops are never home like normal humans
On a beautiful sunny Saturday, you and the loved one have planned on spending the day together on his birthday. All the plans are in place when he gets a call.
Another body has dropped.
Because he is also married to the job, he turns and gives you that look you have seen too many times.
He reassures you that he shouldn’t be gone too long and that it appears they already have solid leads.
He doesn’t come home for two days.
And when he does come home, he’s so tired that all he wants to do is sleep. The crazy long hours and unpredictable schedule also makes him display his ugly side.
Mr. Grumpy (or Mrs. Grumpy)
The life of a homicide detective.
Oh joy begin.
This work commitment also affects the children of a cop marriage.
Several years ago, after picking up my oldest son (from my first marriage) from the airport, we arrived home and planned on playing golf the following morning.
It had only been five minutes after arriving home that my phone rang and I was called in for another homicide.
I was lucky this time.
I only had to work all night but was still able to play golf with my son the next day.
Also, cops work a lot of holidays. Nothing says wedded bliss like spending Thanksgiving and Christmas by yourself.
And it certainly does not help looking at all of the “shiny happy people” and family members basking in all of their holiday cheer and glory.
3. Cops make dumb decisions in relationships
Up until this point in the article, I have shown only the outside forces that are in play with my argument.
The elephant in the room, however, are some of the decisions that cops make when it comes to relationships.
Outside of relationships, cops have it all over other professions as it relates to problem solving and thinking quick on their feet (other than say pilots who happen to strike a flock of Canadian Geese upon take off).
Cops are always doling out solutions that involve everything from citing case law to acting as defacto social workers in their jobs.
For the most part, those that listen to the advice of a cop would not only better themselves but better their situation.
But when it comes to our own problems, cops are dumb.
We refuse to seek help when we obviously need it and we have this unnatural inkling to believe that we are always right.
I will not insult your intelligence by saying this doesn’t exactly foster a rainbow like relationship with your spouse.
Or our kids for that matter.
I have been around cops long enough to know that most are type A, thrill seeking junkies who have a hard time turning that switch off.
And I don’t have to tell you where that could lead.
I challenge all of you reading this article to be better spouses and not neglect the ones who truly love you. Don’t be that guy or gal who puts their career ahead of what truly matters most.
-The Salty Sarge
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