Yes, cops hate firemen

I wish it weren’t true but you know the old saying, “some things are true whether you believe them or not”. The same can be said for my wife’s appetite for god awful TV.

My wife loves to watch a lot of reality television.

And talk shows.

My god, the endless talk shows. Her favorite is Dr. Phil.

Because I’m the most awesome husband the world has ever known, I will, at times, sit and watch these programs with her.

The running theme for most of these shows is self awareness.

The self awareness to know the root cause for why you feel and act a certain way towards someone or something.

So I have decided to take Phil’s advice.

They always say the first step is the hardest.

Hopefully, by revealing the 3 reasons why cops hate firemen, I and other cops can begin to heal and not carry the heavy burden that comes with loathing them so.

I have decided to stick to 3 because I know you are busy and spending one more second on this stupid article may cause you to hate me as well.

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1. Their work schedule

C’mon Man.

Are you kidding me?

Your typical fireman works some form of a day on, then a day off, for few days and then like 8 straight days off followed by more days off.

On average, I believe they work a total of somewhere between 7 to 9 days a month.

What, you didn’t get that?

They work a total of 7 to 9 days….A MONTH!

“But Sarge, we have to work 24 hour shifts and sometimes we don’t get our naps or a full 10 hours a sleep every night”..

Most firemen, because of their work schedule, have side hustles or own their own businesses when they are not doing Crossfit at the Firehouse.

Their schedule really does support having a side business.

Most firemen consider their firefighting jobs as their secondary employment.

Very few cops run their own businesses on the side.

Why?

Because in reality we can never be certain what our days off will be. (I’ll give you a tiny little hint, it’s this thing we call court).

2. Everybody loves them

It’s nauseating.

When little kids are asked what they want to be when they grow up, a parent is usually near by telling them to say firefighter. Why? Because Firemen are universally loved.

They get to be the altruistic version of what everybody secretly wants to be.

The hero. 

The savior.

The guy or gal who will practically burn themselves alive to save your puppy Walter from an inferno after they have already saved everyone else in your family.

Or better yet, they immediately start attending to your physical needs at an accident scene.

Not cops.

As soon as we realize that no one is dead and we can’t call out the fatal accident team, we immediately start getting licenses and registrations.

Nothing says warmth and reassurance after you have been flipped around like a sardine than asking what color your light was.

Always the bad guys us cops.

If these examples were not bad enough, the way they are portrayed on social media is almost unbearable.

For some unknown reason, females are under the delusion that all firefighters are in essence male models with six pack abs and chiseled shoulders.

Just stop.

It’s bad enough that you are objectifying men in such a callous and demeaning manner. If I see another group of half naked firemen show up on my feed rescuing a small kitten I will literally die.

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3. The job

I have had several cops in the past few years who have jumped ship to the fire department.

It’s always the same story.

After I’m done having a mini meltdown outburst upon hearing that I have lost yet another to the fire department, I slowly realize the truth.

Day to day, firemen just have it easier than cops.

They know it.

We know it. 

Any task required of a firemen usually involves 6 to 10 of them working together for almost any job.

They can’t even get gas for their vehicles without half of a battalion present.

Yes I know that on occasion firemen have to actually go into buildings and spray water on a fire. A small house fire usually requires about 5,000 firemen responding from every firehouse in the city.

Oh and don’t get me started on bomb threats or suspicious packages.

Cops are usually called upon to direct traffic during these events that usually lasts several hours.

The one thing that every cop can tell you is that firemen are never in a hurry to do anything. They love showing off their robots during these calls also.

And stop asking us on every single call our ETA .

We will get there when we get there.

This is especially true around meal time. For the love of god don’t interrupt or impede the 7 bean salad and chicken casserole that FF Evans made for Battalion One.

And if I hear the phrase, “Fire is staging”, one more time, I just may throw myself off a cliff..

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I hope that everyone understands that this article was written with no ill will but in good fun. If you were offended by this article or are a firefighter, I’m sorry.

I was thinking about writing a follow up article pointing out why firemen hate cops but that would be too easy.

Everybody hates us.

You can find other SATIRE articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.

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Here is a funny little video that may better explain the difference between cops and firemen. Enjoy!