United Press Corps – After the latest tragedy and school shooting, a national poll has revealed that most Americans are hoping that North Korea would resume threatening the US mainland.
Since the latest mass school shooting, Americans are hoping for the nations attention to re-focus back to North Korea.
Many are complaining that the relentless, ongoing debate about gun control and school safety has lasted way longer than the customary 3 days.
“This damn thing just won’t go away,” said Jim, after making his very first you tube video of him shooting his brand new AR at a watermelon from 10 feet in his backyard.
“Everybody knows that guns don’t kill people, people kill people,” he bellowed after setting up his next watermelon.
It appears that other countries are hoping that North Korea will resume its maniacal and threatening posture against the planet.
“We honestly are getting sick and tired of being compared with the states mate,” said Graham, an Australian Federal Cop.
“It’s bad enough you all insist on wearing pads and a helmet when you play football. Just please stop comparing our gun control measures, which had almost instant success with stopping school shootings, with your own.”
Many polled only wanted to reflect on the good old days when no one really wanted talk about mass shootings.
When the time came to talk about it, some other sensational story would steal the spotlight like Lance Armstrong admitting to Oprah that he cheated or Bruce Jenner coming out as a woman.
You know, the things that are most important to us.
“No one really knew how good we had it with Kim Jong Un,” said one of the pollsters who didn’t want to give her name. “Who would have thought that a pudgy little Korean guy with a bad haircut could seem so vanilla compared to our internal problems.”
The most shocking result of the survey?
13 percent said that one nuclear detonation from North Korea on US soil would be favorable to another school shooting, to include the political debate after a school shooting.
Some have said they would welcome the bat-shit crazy dictator to offer his advice on how we could end mass shootings.
An unconfirmed source has revealed that Kim suggested we do away with schools and use the children to build up our lagging agricultural and industrial efforts. Although at first take the idea would seem ridiculous, it would end school shootings.
A leak from an insider at the NRA has revealed that they would possibly endorse Kim’s idea but would need a check or money order from the dictator first.
In the second part of the poll, many American’s, from both sides of the debate, agree that North Korea should not possess a nuclear weapon. When asked why, the number one reason provided was simply “because that dudes crazy man”.
“Everybody knows you don’t give a crazy person access to a weapon like that.”
You can find other SATIRE articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.