Tough questions

Lists.

People can’t get enough of them.

Especially in the digital age where people have the attention span of a squirrel.

People want their information fast. And for the love of god, don’t ask them to click a link. The extra 4 seconds waiting on another page to load is almost unbearable.

Without an eye-grabbing title or titillating photo, most will just keep scrolling. And slap my momma and call me Charlie if you’re asking someone to actually read your article.

Lists are quick and easy. Humans like efficiency and order. By simply numbering your thoughts you will attract more eyeballs on your content.

“The 10 Truths All Cops Know”

Don’t worry, this rant is almost over.

You’re probably wondering what the point of this introduction is and what does it have to do with the 10 reasons why some should never become cops.

Here’s the list and here’s the purpose for the intro rant..

The List

1. If you have no empathy or patience with your average citizen, like listening to long-winded, meandering, stream of  consciousness ramblings about everything other than why you were called to help them, law enforcement may not be for you. I remember my early days thinking what in the fuck is wrong with people.

Almost every encounter I had with a victim or witness went like the introduction you just read but much worse. It didn’t matter if they were just involved in a minor fender bender or had just witnessed a double homicide, for some reason everyone wants to talk about what they had for breakfast or why they are in between jobs.

2. If you don’t mind the 3 week smell of dead or rotting human flesh in the middle of July in a one bedroom upstairs apartment without air-conditioning, becoming a cop may not be for you.

3. If telling an adult only-child that both of their parents have tragically died in-house fire or a 12 year girl her mother was just murdered, then becoming a cop may not be for you.

4. If wearing up to 40 pounds of equipment for 12 hours in the middle of August in Virginia directing traffic at a busy intersection and the humidity is at 1000 percent bothers you, you may want to consider a different profession.

5. If you can’t hold going number 1 or 2 for extended periods of time after eating Mexican or Pad Thai without a gall bladder.

6. If you don’t like working major holidays, birthdays, homecomings, reunions, births, graduations, parades, celebrations, beach trips, skiing, biking, kayaking trips, super bowls, world cup, Tour de France, or first dates.

7. If you don’t like getting kicked in the nuts (or ovaries) by an 85 pound female high on spice who suddenly has the strength of 10 grown men, then becoming a cop may not be for you. (and being teased that you got beat up by a girl).

8. If you don’t mind working 36 hours without sleep (detective) and have to pull over and walk the last mile to your house to avoid having a head on collision with oncoming traffic.

9. If you don’t mind being ordered to work over 8 hours at a Swedish death metal concert when you were originally told the Mormon Tabernacle Choir would be performing (c’mon man, I was young and a rookie).

10. If you don’t mind working for lousy pay with no raises while being constantly reminded on Facebook of the Xanadu, fairy tale life your friends and family live, you may want to re-evaluate becoming a cop.

____________

You still want to be a cop or deputy and save the world?

I know that some may say I’m hurting recruiting efforts by being such a Debbie Downer. That is not my intention. I want people to understand that this career isn’t for everyone.

It’s not all about being a sheepdog or some sort of american bad-ass.

It takes a special dude or gal to do this job. Cops know this.

We want you to know it too.

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You can find other ORIGINAL articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.