In what authorities are calling a “technologically unfortunate” turn of events, a police pursuit in Los Angeles ended abruptly Tuesday night when the department’s brand-new electric patrol car lost all battery power—allowing a suspect in a 1998 Honda Civic to escape at a blistering 42 miles per hour.
The chase began when officers attempted to pull over local ne’er-do-well, Jimmy “Slim” Rodriguez, for what sources say was “probably something illegal, but mostly just bad vibes.” Rodriguez, already on parole for previous infractions involving expired coupons, decided he wasn’t in the mood to chat with law enforcement and took off, leading officers on what would have been a thrilling pursuit—if not for the LAPD’s ambitious (and woefully untested) transition to an all-electric fleet.
Eyewitnesses report that the police cruiser, a brand-new EcoForce Lightning X9000, performed admirably for the first three blocks before the dashboard flashed a series of warnings, including “Battery Critically Low,” “Please Find a Charging Station,” and “Call AAA, You’re Screwed.”
“We were gaining on him,” Officer Dan Mullins later recounted, still visibly shaken. “And then… silence. The car just coasted to a stop. No sirens, no lights, just… doom.”
Rodriguez, in what can only be described as an insult to both justice and clean energy initiatives, reportedly slowed down, rolled down his window, and yelled, “Y’all need a jump?” before peeling off at a reasonable-yet-defiant speed.
With the electric cruiser now nothing more than a very expensive paperweight, officers were forced to call for backup—specifically, an old gas-powered Crown Victoria that took an impressive 17 minutes to arrive. By then, Rodriguez had vanished into the night, presumably laughing and marveling at the efficiency of fossil fuels.
City officials have assured the public that this was an “isolated incident” and that future pursuits will include better planning, including ensuring vehicles are at least 20% charged before engaging in high-speed chases. In response to the debacle, Tesla CEO Elon Musk tweeted simply: “Skill issue.”
Rodriguez remains at large. The EcoForce Lightning X9000 remains plugged in at a downtown charging station, where it will be ready to fight crime again in approximately six to eight hours.
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