Cop Placed on Administrative Leave for Not Bitching Enough

Cop Not Complaining


Springfield, Georgia – In a rare case that has Internal Affairs officers baffled, an officer in this small Georgia police department has been placed on admin leave pending an investigation.

In a 6 month-long clandestine case, investigators uncovered behavior in Officer Krakauer they have rarely seen in their many years of working internal corruption cases.

“We just kept coming to the same findings with this guy,” said one of the department snitches.

“I’m not proud to say this, but we tried every dirty trick in the book to see if he would slip up and bitch about something,” said the snitch.

The investigators on the case were first tipped off by his squad mates.

One by one they came forward telling us that something was wrong with Krakauer.

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“Something was wrong with Krakauer,” said one of his closest friends on the squad.

It is universally known that almost every officer in their career will bitch about something.

A vast majority of officers bitch everyday.

Some officers bitch so much it becomes a second language.

“I mean, we all bitch about the hours, court, the pay, the citizens we have to deal with on a regular basis,” said Officer Barry.

The chronic “bitchers” also take it up a notch and complain about other officers, their chain of command, and even the Chief.

Not Krakauer.

The Investigation

The undercover investigation was nothing short of shocking.

He would essentially show up to work every day, do his job, interact with citizens, have a good laugh with his fellow officers, and then goes home with a smile on his face.

“At first we thought it was some sort of joke,” said a fellow officer.

“It’s hard to bitch around a guy who is so happy and never complains about anything, especially in this line of work,” said Officer Danforth.

“It got so bad we even considered contacting a mental health worker to come in and just figure out what type of mental illness we were dealing with,” confessed Officer Ortega, trying his best not to cry.

That’s when they all decided to move forward and bring this odd behavior to Internal Affairs.

“At first they didn’t believe us,” Ortega shouted. “They told us to get out of their office and stop spreading rumors about an officer not bitching,” he continued.

That all changed when they pulled everyone’s BWC.

“We were dumbfounded,” explained one of the IA investigators.

“He just wouldn’t bitch about anything, even when we called him in on Christmas Eve to work a fatality accident involving a bus full of elementary school children.”

“We knew something was definitely wrong with Krakauer when we took his gun and badge and told him why he was being put on admin leave,” said the lead IA investigator.

“He simply said, “yes sir” and offered to take us to lunch for all of the hard work we had put into investigating him.”

To say the IA investigators were blown away by this gesture would be a huge understatement.

In one final ironic twist, the officers that turned Krakauer in could be overheard bitching about the IA investigators not being real cops..

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  1. Give the guy a medal and get off his ass. Ya’ know what’s wrong with police admin. Types? They’d all bitch, even if they were hung with Gold rope.

  2. Do yourself a favor and follow these instructions:

    – Scroll to the top of the page
    – Locate the bold title of the article
    – Elevate your eyes 1/2 inch above the title to where it says “HOME > HUMOR > Cop Placed on Administrative Leave for Not Bitching Enough (emphasis on HUMOR)
    – As quick as your mind will allow, come to the conclusion that this is a satire/humor piece
    – Log off this site
    – Cry yourself to sleep

    Have a good rest.

    • S.G., you are hereby named an honorary member of the Salty Fraternity for life! You must have an IQ above 12 based on your keen observations. Thank you.


  3. At first I thought it was a tongue in cheek reply, but decided it wasn’t and was instantly grateful not to have to approve your reports.

    The first Sgt I ever worked for used to say there was no point in being a moron if you couldn’t show everybody.

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